Part 1: Of Forever.

Never in a million years did I think I would run into you… Again, but yet there we were in the same space. As hard as I tried to avoid you, it didn’t work. I wanted nothing to do with you. After all those years I still remembered how you did me. I’ve never been good at holding grudges though. So after time went by, the feeling just went away. It became better for me because I didn’t have to see your face, or even hear your name.

The fact that I never wanted to see you again washed away as soon as I dived in to give you that hug you asked for. It was at that moment, I knew you were what I wanted and there was no way I was letting you get away. My thoughts were all over the place, I was stuck. I couldn’t have you just yet though. Shortly after this, the situation handled itself, what a coincidence? … I was finally free from what was making me feel dark.

Do I give him a chance? Do I not give him a chance? Do I leave him empty handed? Do I not leave him empty handed? I didn’t have any rose petals, those were just some questions I had to ask myself. It had been, what? Five years? I hadn’t seen you, or spoken to you in five fucking years and the moment I saw your handsome face, my stomach dropped! I didn’t know what to do, or what to say. I don’t even remember saying anything.

In such a short amount of time, all of those old feelings started to come back. I started to think about the old you. I told myself a couple of times, “He’s going to do the same things he did all those years ago. Be prepared.” Months later, we started to text every day. You would text me every morning before you headed to work. We would even FaceTime. We would check on each other throughout the day. I know you remember that. You would ask me how my day was, I would ask the same in vice versa. We planned dates, but it was always something stopping us from seeing each other.

I remember one date in particular that we planned. I woke up smiling, telling myself that the day would be a good one because I would get to see you. I would get to hug you. I would just get to be in your presence. As the day went on, I didn’t get to see you. You know why. That day became the worst day of my life. August 23, 2017.

To be continued…

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